wallace woke me up tuesday morning, as he hadn't yet left for work. he had heard of some craziness over AIM from a freelance contact he has, and he immediately went downstairs to turn on the TV. he then came up and woke me.
i thought he must be kidding, as vague as he was, in an effort to get me out of bed. but, of course, he wasn't. and, i've told him numerous times since tuesday morning, i so wish he had been...
we watched it all. and, have since then seen it hundreds of times. on tv. over and over and over again.
it still hasn't totally processed in my head.
i kept looking around, everytime savannah and i went outside on tuesday. i thought of what a beautiful day it was here, and how normal everything seemed, away from the tv and all the news.
a part of me has been lost in this. and, i don't know if i'll ever be able to get it back. i don't know if any of us will be able to...
and, my sweet innocent savannah, she has no idea at all. she is too young to have any idea of any of this. her smile is just as wide and her laugh is still as full as ever. she hasn't lost anything, and for that i'm grateful, even if it is just for now.
i'm sorry that the world changed on tuesday morning, and all of us along with it. i'm sorry that i cringe every time i hear a plane overhead. i'm sorry for everything and everyone who's been lost this week.
i don't think my lifetime will be long enough to shed all the tears that are deserved by each and every person who was taken by these sickening events. i don't think i'll be able to wrap my mind around the actual numbers of those lost, when everything is said and done.
i just feel sick about everything.
and, it's been only a little over a week since wallace and savannah and i were in a plane ourselves, probably flying near the place where one of the airplanes crashed in pennsylvania. and, all i can do is be thankful that we are here, and safe... if only for right now.
regardless of what happens after this, we will never feel the way we did before tuesday morning ever again. and, it can't be made right, either.