i've got napster on, listening to 'living la vida loca', as i watch savannah dance in the hallway.
yikes.
in other news, it's friday!!! i'm so glad.
granted, i don't have a job like much of the rest of you, but i need to take breaks from other people's children too.
two good weekends in a row, it seems. this weekend our friends derrick and stephanie are coming over for dinner, drinks and fun stuff. and next weekend, my parents will be in atlanta to visit us.
i'm a happy happy happy girl. so long as the power doesn't go out for any long period again.
i learned something new today... the sentence above which reads, 'i'm a happy happy happy girl.', illustrates the technique called :
palilogy (puh-LIL-uh-jee) noun
The technique of repeating a word or phrase for emphasis. Also, palillogy.
[From Greek palillogia recapitulation, equivalent to palin again, back +
-logia -logy.]
thanks to wordsmith.org.
hope you have a great weekend!
yesterday was not one of my favorite days, ever.
it began much like most days here do, with sounds of teletubbies in the background, and savannah and destiny playing together. i sat down in front of the computer to peruse a little email and check out a website. and then, suddenly, --BAM!-- thunder, pause, then the electricity snapped off.
i had to go find the girls in the dark, as they had been in savannah's bathroom, discovering there were toys in there. it was raining heavily, and was awfully dark outside.
i used to have candles everywhere around the apartment. but since savannah's been pulling herself up and cruising along furniture, most of them have been put away, so things are safe for her. there is absolutely nothing on our coffee table right now. and the rest of the living room is fairly empty as well.
i lit a few of the candles and lamps that still reside in the living room and dining room, opened up the blinds, and then called georgia power to let them know our power was out. this was around 9:45am.
see, we've had this problem here consistently over the summer. there is a problem with the box o' electrical stuff between our building and the one next to us. and, during the month of may alone, the power was off at least 4-5 times.
although, when it happened yesterday morning, i didn't know it was just our two buildings. so, after i'd called, i didn't think it would be too long until they got it back on. i mean, this is atlanta, the city of atlanta, after all...
i poked my head out of our front door around 11am or so, and chatted with a few of my neighbors. there is an elderly woman who lives upstairs from me, who is very nice and calls me 'florence'. (i guess she must have misunderstood it when i told it to her, and then i wasn't sure that was what she was calling me. and then, it seemed much too late for me to correct her.) and, there is another woman who apparently just moved in next door, with the guy who seems to never really be there.
the woman next door was on a cell phone with georgia power, and was told someone would try to be out there in the next hour or so. okay, so we'd be without power until lunchtime or a little after. okay.
lunch came and went, no truck.
after lunch, i put both girls down for a nap and then decided to take one myself. it was a rainy dark day after all. and surely, by the time i get up to feed savannah dinner, it'll be back on.
i woke up at 4:30, as savannah was waking up. and still no power.
i fed savannah a cold dinner, as i had no way to heat anything up for her. destiny's mom came and picked her up at about 5:45pm. and still no power.
finally, somewhere around 6:35pm, watching out the window helplessly, i saw a big georgia power truck, except it was driving in the opposite direction from our building.
fuck!
i grabbed my keys, slipped on my birks, picked up savannah and went running out across the parking lot, in the rain, after the truck. good thing someone else had decided to chase it before me. i'm in no shape to catch up with it by myself, let alone trying to balance a nineteen pound little girl on my hip.
the guy came back. it took all of five fucking minutes for him to put on his insulated gloves, grab his big long pole and flip the goddamned switch down in the box o' electrical stuff to turn the shit back on.
nine fucking hours after it went out. nine. in the city of atlanta. excuse me, but what the fuck?!?
so, i spent very little time online yesterday. i didn't do much of anything yesterday... other than trying really hard not to be angry anymore. since more than anything, i hate being powerless...
i'm here, but not really here.
i've come to realize how differently i feel things, as compared to 99% of the rest of the world. or, rather 99% of my little piece of the world...
i have very few people that i love. but, those people i love fully and completely, without hesitation. i try to do whatever i can to make those people happy. and, probably since i am so fiercely dedicated to those people i've chosen to love, i also find that i feel taken for granted a lot more than i should.
there are probably other reasons for that. probably one is that my interactions with people are so few and far between, that when you hear the expression i'll wait by the phone..., sadly, that's me. they're all talking about me. talk to me, validate me, make me feel as special as i try to make you feel.
and, i wait, and wait, and wait... and feel smaller, and less important, and more and more invisible. i'm easily disregarded. i'm avoidable.
and any time that happens, with anyone that i love, i feel bits of my insides being chipped away. eroding. disintegrating. disappearing. i become less of me. and it hurts me, unbearably.
it's horrible and needy and pathetic. but, it's me.
and, i also never say anything. i just sit back, and take it all. because, i can't walk away from the people i love, whether they can see me all the time, or not.
i don't want to be invisible anymore. i just don't.
i put up our hallowe'en decorations today, and i hope to get more this year... i know it isn't even the equinox yet, but... i couldn't help myself.
hallowe'en is my most favourite holiday. and, fall is my favourite season. it's all great.
i'm still trying to think of something more fun to write in response to 'sted's challenge to write something fun today. i hope to think of something, so i can assure myself that my life isn't quite as boring as i think it is... so, this will have to go under the do something fun category for now.
savannah drank out of a sippy cup today... for the first time, all. by. herself.
i almost cried. i'm so proud of her.
i've never known anyone in my lifetime as amazing and wonderful as my daughter.
i'm so lucky to know her. and, i love every day i spend with her.
yay savannah!
you wake up, and it looks like it's going to be another boring kind of day. you do things as you always do them, and then all of a sudden something really exceedingly great happens to you, or someone you know... and your day is completely changed.
i go through a lot of days. quiet days, loud days, hot days, boring days... but, sometimes, i have really great days.
today was an astoundingly great day.
i'm going to hang onto it for as long as i can.
it seems as if savannah is about to give up one of her naps during the day. i'd been so lucky that she'd still been taking two for so long.
but, she slept yesterday morning, and then not again until she went to bed. and i tried to get her to go down for a little while yesterday afternoon, and then in the evening again. nope. no such luck.
this left me a bit frazzled by the time she actually did sleep. i don't think i was completely ready to give up her two naps yet, either.
since change is slow here, i'm not as flexible about it as i used to be. savannah wants/needs to change, but i'm not always as enthusiastic about it as she is. i'm working on that.
. . . . .
in other news, let me tell you just how much i hate our property leasing company and our apartment complex. fascist bastards. they are forcing us to stay here, for at least another six months. (i say forcing because of the timeframe in which they expect us to sign a new lease, considering when our old lease is up.)
fuckers.
and, you know as well as i do, that if we sign this lease this week... there will be at least one, and probably two or three fabulous homes for rent in the sunday paper.
fuckers.
so, we're signing on for at least six more months, with the hope that we'll manage to save up some money and have wallace's raise as leverage for getting us the hell out of here. i'm so done with this shit.
. . . . .
oh, and i was just wondering who was going to make sure that 'sted's rendition of oops, i did it again ends up on napster for all to enjoy and exchange. if you haven't checked it out, you should because, it's too fuckin' funny for me to begin to explain.
ahhh, the wonders of modern technology...
i know i'll never live as long as i'll need to so that i can read everything i keep putting on my long list of to read sometime books. damn, that's frustrating.
wallace and i just finished watching american psycho... wow. WOW.
definitely an interesting, funny and horrifying movie, all at the same time. i'm now completely dying to read the book. wow.
i made wallace take back being john malkovitch, to get american psycho. i was afraid of the overwhelming potential trippy factor in being john malkovitch. and sadly, i don't deal well with trippy movies.
so, you can tell me i missed out on a really great one by foregoing being john malkovitch, but i liked american psycho enough to be dying to read the book.
so, i'm just adding that to the long long list of books in waiting, along with the ones currently sitting next to my bed, in the queue, that i haven't cracked open for a week or two.
i can only hope i live long enough to read as much as i want, before i have to go...
note : my commentary appears in parentheses...
phone rings...
lara : hello?
woman seeking childcare : yes, is this lara's childcare?
lara : yes, it is.
woman : i have 3 children; 3 years, 2 years and 4 months. what are your prices?
lara : well, it would be $125/week for the 4 month old. and then $100/week each for the two toddlers.
woman : umn, uh... really? well, the 3 year old will be starting headstart for at least half a day soon.
lara : well, okay then... i'd be willing to lower the price for the three year old, depending upon how long during the day he'd be here.
woman : well, i don't have a job, yet. but, i just went for an interview. do you think you might be able to agree on a lower price, until i got things started at this new job?
lara : i might be able to work something out. what kind of prices were you looking for?
woman : well, is $130/week for all three too low?
lara : yes. (dear gods, lady. i can't believe you said that) but, i do wish you lots of luck finding childcare for your children. have a nice day.
deep sigh...
touring a house we were interested in renting...
lady leasing house : here is the application, if you think you'd be interested.
lara looks over the application, and sees no in-home childcare permitted, among other things, at the bottom of the sheet.
lara points it out to wallace
lady leasing house : what? is there a problem? you don't have any pets, do you?
lara : umn, no... i just noticed the no in-home childcare line. i do in-home childcare right now. (and honestly, we'd not be able to afford to live there, if i didn't try to continue it.)
lady leasing house : well, i don't allow that. i've had some other problems with tenants who did in-home childcare; kids sticking toys down the toilet, making things a real mess. i just don't allow it.
lara : i see... (i certainly wouldn't let anyone else tear up my home, whether i owned it or leased it or whatever. must have been a really great childcare person to let kids run wild in their (her) house.)
lady leasing house : but, if you decide you want to get a job... there is a church up across the street that does childcare, and you could work there.
lara mutters something that sounds like mmmm, when in actuality she's biting her lip really hard to prevent herself from saying something rude back to this rude woman. (i thought her insinuation that i didn't work by doing childcare in my home was rude. and, when i explained what she had said to my mom, she agreed with me.)
deep sigh...
about 20 minutes into watching any given sunday...
wallace : you don't like this movie, do you?
lara : well, i just don't like football enough to like it...
wallace : i thought so.
(amazing how when we first met, wallace couldn't give a shit about football... and now, well, it must be a guy thing.)
lara wanders off to do dishes, and play on the computer.
heh...
driving home from house hunting, discussing food options...
lara : oh dammit, we should have stopped at the big chicken for dinner stuff...
wallace : really? i thought you hated kentucky fried chicken...
lara : no, they have chicken fingers now... i'm the chicken finger fuckin' queen.
wallace bursts into uncontrollable laughter, taking my last statement in a whole other way than how it was meant.
lara protests loudly about that wasn't how she meant it...
wallace laughs all the way until we hit 285.
lara (note to self : cut down on usage of fuck as an all-purpose part of emphatic speech...)
hope you enjoyed your weekend. ours was interesting to say the least...