it's gonna take me all week to catch up from the weekend. i'm mighty tired.
i can only imagine how wallace feels...
can i just tell you how addicted to the new hamsterdance.com songs i am?
i have to dance around and generally act like a fool when i'm listening to them. i even downloaded them from napster.
i'm gonna miss napster.
here are two of the poems currently residing on my refrigerator, a la my magnetic poetry set given to me for my birthday this year:
coffee is a sacred liquid and a
delicious perfume for which i have
never questioned its magic as it
seeps into my cold bones
morning joy and peace and hot drink
brilliant
. . . . .
soft warm night listen to my words
the air is like velvet and surrounds me
a star heals this sad broken yesterday
and perhaps my present day to come
. . . . .
i always tell 'sted how poetry makes me nervous... so, if you think mine is really bad, please don't tell me. i don't want to know. if you don't think it completely sucks, you could tell me so...
i've heard this countless times since savannah was born. she's small, but it's normal for her... she is still on formula, but it's normal for her... you get the picture.
the pediatrician said to me the other day at savannah's re-check for her head circumference... 'we need to decide if there is a problem, or if this is just normal for her'.
she laughed as she heard me talking to savannah, as we were leaving, saying, 'don't worry, sweetie... normal is overrated anyway. your mommy has spent a lot of time and energy making sure she wasn't normal.
i'm not offended by someone saying my child isn't normal. i would, however, be very offended if someone suggested that she was deficient in some way. because she is not. i am aware of many people who are deficient in many different ways, but they are considered normal by some.
normal is not at all equal to good, or happy, or interesting, or fun, or nice... etc.
. . . . .
i used to wear a jean jacket, in high school that was entirely covered on the front with buttons. some were pictures of prince (who i worshipped at the time), some were peace symbols and aids ribbons, and some were the kind with the silly/witty/fun sayings on them. one of my absolute favourites was one that proclaimed, 'normal is boring'. which is even silly, considering what a conformist prep girl i was in high school, for the most part.
it is now the mantra of my entire life.
today is a better day than yesterday. i don't know why i was so melodramatic and ominous. i'm achy and tired, but in seemingly much better spirits.
on the other hand, my daughter seems to be grumpier than usual today. and she's entitled to one every now and then, considering what a happy little girl she usually is... we're awfully lucky in that area, with her easy-going personality.
i'm trying to research apartments and homes for rent here in northern atlanta, and sadly not having a lot of luck yet. i really don't want to have to move, but i don't know that i want to stay here either. it's a pain in my ass, either way...
when do you think they'll develop teleportation in real life, and if they do, will it be prohibitively expensive for most people? oh well.
i have this overwhelming feeling that i'm waiting for something, and i'll be damned if i can figure out what it is...
i'm doing busy kinds of things, trying not to think about it too much, but... it doesn't seem to be working. i'm barely comfortable in my own skin.
so, i guess in the meantime, i'll have to settle for a really clean house, and all our laundry done, instead. at least until i figure out what i'm waiting for here...
I hadn't paid attention to the fact that I haven't written an entry here for a while... It's been almost a month, and I had been on such a roll. Oh well. Here's to better days.
Wallace, Savannah and I went on our first vacation ever, as a family, this past weekend. My parents were camping at Myrtle Beach, SC, and they had invited us many months ago to come with them.
So, I spent a good part of last week doing laundry and packing. And, we left on Thursday morning bound for the beach.
We even managed to get up early enough to miss rush hour traffic here in Atlanta, which is a very good thing. And we were headed east by 6:45am, considerably earlier than I am used to being awake.
Wallace and I have taken a few trips together in the six and a half years we've been together, but... this was all new. This was the first time Savannah had ever left Atlanta, let alone the state of Georgia. And, neither one of us was very sure how she might handle all the time in the car.
But, all in all, she did well. She only got grumpier toward the end of the ride, wouldn't sleep at all, but didn't fuss much either. And, I think as she gets a bit older, she might do even better still.
When we were still about 100 or so miles away from Myrtle Beach, I called my dad to let him know that we weren't going to be there quite as early as we had hoped. And, my dad informed me that there were torrential rains going on there at the time, and had been all morning long.
So, we pressed on, and arrived during a storm that was quite heavy. We hung out with my mom for a while. We fed Savannah dinner. And, we waited for my dad to get back from going to inquire about a part for the awning of his trailer, which had broken during the early morning rains.
When my dad got back to the camper, he informed us that he was not going to be cooking outside. And, he invited us to dinner with he and my mom.
We had a nice dinner, and came back to the camper with hopes of getting little Ms. Grumpyhead-who-didn't-sleep-all-day to bed.
She passed out shortly after we put her down. And, Wallace and I decided to walk up to the beach, as this was Wallace's first time to the Atlantic Ocean... The waves were still rough, after the storm had finished. And we walked along the beach for a while, stepping over the piles of seaweed that washed up during the storm.
We chatted with my parents for a while, and then went to pass out ourselves.
Friday morning was a lazy morning. My dad made us all pancakes and sausage for breakfast, which we ate outside on the picnic table. We thought Savannah might take a nap (yeah, right?) and so my parents suggested that maybe we would want to go up to the beach.
We put on our swimming suits, got our towels and chairs and even took a beach umbrella. We were set. And, we walked up to the beach at about noon.
Wallace slathered himself with his sunscreen and I did the same with my tanning oil, and then we ventured out to play in the waves. (Can anyone see yet where this might be going?)
We were out in the water for maybe a half an hour or forty-five minutes. Jumping over and into the waves, trying not to get tangled in the seaweed still pushing toward the shore and being goofy.
We went back to the chairs and sat for a while, and then we thought maybe we should go back and check on Savannah and see what else my parents might have planned for the afternoon.
We took showers, and went to feed Savannah dinner... When I started getting a headache, a really bad one. I told Wallace I was going to take a little nap for a bit to see if I could 'head it off'. And, I preceeded to lay down on my parents' bed, wrapped up in a blanket and fell asleep.
My dad woke me up to help make dinner. And when I got up, I felt even worse than I had before I fell asleep.
My dad made hamburgers and my mom had made her world-famous potato salad, and all I could do was look at it... and try not to be sick. I did manage to eat about three tiny bites of potato salad, and then I ran to the bathroom, only vaguely hoping I might throw up and feel better.
I spent the rest of the evening quietly wishing for a quick and merciful death... I did finally get sick, and had next to nothing in my stomach. It was horrible.
I had sun poisoning. My face, neck, shoulders and back were all burnt. And only after a few handfuls of ibuprofen and a good long night's sleep, did I feel better.
Saturday we spent shopping at some outlet stores in Myrtle Beach. Wallace got an unbelieveably generous amount of new dress pants and shirts. I got a cute pair of jean short-alls and a bright purple (gasp!!!) tie-dyed high-waisted tank dress.
We had dinner reservations at 5pm at a restaurant called Bovine's and had a very nice, eclectic and relaxing dinner together.
We got back, and my parents offered to take care of Savannah and put her to bed, so that we might be able to go out and do something if we wanted. This was the very first time since Savannah came home that we've actually done anything without her, together.
So, we went and played minature golf. Decided it was way too hot. Stopped at the grocery store and bought some wine (beer) coolers, and went back to the camper.
How sad are we?
Sunday we spent mostly at Broadway at the Beach, sweltering in the heat and humidity... No, we weren't sweltering, we were melting. Just kind of oozing across the walkways, diving into air-conditioned stores every once in a while, just so we didn't lose our minds.
I was disappointed. It was like going to a mall and it was nowhere near the beach. I didn't want to spend my vacation at the damned Gap. And it was painfully hot.
My dad made steaks for dinner, and we enjoyed our dinners very much. We also got out a camcorder that my mom had borrowed from her work, and took some video of Savannah. That was cool too, as we hadn't done that before either.
We took Savannah up to the beach in the evening, and since she hadn't slept all day again, she was miserable. She didn't like the sand or the water; she wanted to go to bed.
But, we did get to watch the full moon-rise over the horizon... big and blazing orange over the ocean. And, that I was thankful for... I had longed to see the beautiful full moon over the ocean. I was glad we all got to see it.
We put Savannah to bed, and chatted with my parents some more and then finally went to bed.
We came home on Monday, and got home about 7pm. We were all tired, and it was nice to be home. But, we did have a great trip and a wonderful time with my parents.
Thanks, Mom and Dad... We'd never been able to go without your help.
And, it was so nice to get away for a while. I hope I don't have to wait again so long before we can take another little vacation.
it was a long drive, but not a horrible one...
we had a very good time, overall...
i'm happier than i thought i would be to be back home, again...
i'm hoping to write a comprehensive entry in my regular journal at some point later on today. so, if you're interested in the sordid details of our adventures. please check back there this afternoon.
beyond all that, i'm in the midst of laundry and getting my apartment back into shape. so, i'll be here and there all day.
and, i'm taking good breaks in between... travelling makes one quite tired. and, i'm trying to recover.
i remember vividly the first time i saw the atlantic. my parents had taken us on vacation to the delmarva penninsula, and then we proceeded to drive on to the outer banks of north carolina.
spanning between the southern most tip of the delmarva and the northeastern coastline of virginia, there is a huge bridge/tunnel which marks the meeting place of the chesapeake bay and the atlantic ocean. that was when i first fell in love...
i've had various crushes throughout my younger days, on movie stars, rock stars and classmates... but, i didn't know what it was to be in love until i saw the atlantic.
upon my first vision of the atlantic, along with my heart pounding in my chest and my first full breath of the clean salt air... i had decided that someday, i will live on a beach.
when we arrived at the outer banks that summer, i spent hours and hours staring out at the vast expanse of blue-green, to where it met the azure of the sky. i felt each wave roll over me, as i listened to the surf and watched its ebb and tide.
and, my most favourite time was watching the sunset and the sky darken from orange-red to purple-black, and then watching the horizon disappear... and the ocean just went on and on, forever.
i feel i draw a lot of power from the ocean. and sadly, it's been way too long since i last recharged there... about 8 years, i think.
a lot of things have happened to me in the past eight years. some were pretty horrible, but mostly, these have been some of the best years of my life.
tomorrow, i'll have the chance to share my first love with the two people i love most in this world, my husband and my daughter. neither one of them has ever seen the atlantic before, and i'm so happy to be introducing them...
and, i chose these days in particular to go on this trip because, the full moon is on sunday. and, i adore the full moon, almost as much as i love the atlantic.
after all my careful and thoughtful planning... with the detailed and comprehensive list i made...
today is the day my printer decides to run out of ink.
oh well. all is not lost.
we are leaving very early tomorrow morning for the beach... and printer cartridge or no, i'm so happy and excited.
when i was about 4 or 5 years old, my sister and i discovered how amazingly aerodynamic vinyl 45's were and had great fun using them as frisbees... then we found out what a cool noise they made when someone accidently threw one against the wall of the basement, and shattered into a thousand pieces...
my father was really angry when he found out, especially since my sister and i had destroyed probably about 20-30 45's, some of which undoubtedly were irreplacable, valuable and rare... including some of the beatles and elvis, among others.
and, mad props of coolness go to my father for having an original pressing of 'in-a-gadda-da-vida' by iron butterfly. but, at least he knew enough to put it somewhere other than the shelf by the stereo where all the other records were kept. but, i digress...
my father has promised me for years, that he would have his revenge on my sister and i for destroying those 45's, and he may be close to having it... my daughter has discovered the neat sound that cds make when you pull them all off the shelf and bounce them off of one another...
so, while i certainly don't own anything that can't be replaced... i have a better understanding of my parents, once more, in raising a child of my own.
i'm about to begin the most fun part of my pre-trip preparations... making my list. i must sit down and devote some dedicated time to making a comprehensive list of everything we'll be taking with us, what we'll wear, what we might wear, etc. i need to be sure that i'll be as prepared as possible.
i still overpack. even with a list and a plan and a friggin' itenerary... and the key difference this time around is having little ms. savannah to worry about too. we've never travelled with her before... she hasn't left the state of georgia yet. and, there are many more things for me to consider when packing things for her, than for wallace and i.
we don't have a lot of solid plans. i told my parents that i would like to go out and play some miniature golf a couple of times, would like to spend a good deal of time on the beach, and i've made one other request for a good seafood dinner at a restaurant on the water somewhere. and that's about it. we had previously discussed driving down to charleston for the day, but we aren't going to decide that until we are there.
i had hoped wallace would take another day off, but... i feel lucky i got him to take 3 anyway. even though he has 5 to use before september, and i know we aren't planning to go anywhere between now and then, but myrtle beach.
oh well. maybe next summer...
i want to take my time and enjoy this trip, as i've been looking foward to it, and planning on it for a good while now.
and maybe next year wallace and i will take savannah to savannah, ga or something...
i hope to write some later, but right now, i just can't do it...
i'm daydreaming about the beach, and spending time with my parents. good thing it's only a week away. heh.
when i was between colleges, in the summer and fall of 1992, i spent a lot of time with my friend, bryan... i was madly in love with him during my high school years. in my freshman year (the first and official one...) at maryland, he called me to tell me that he was gay.
and, we were mostly inseperable from the time i came home from school. we did a lot of bad stuff together, drank a lot and goofed off. he also took me to my one and only cool concert at psu to see the violent femmes and the b-52's.
during that period of time, i also was introduced to a singer named wally pleasant. bryan loved him, and first heard of him when he was living in michigan with his mom.
bryan had me listen to him, and i was immediately hooked. i don't know if i could describe his style properly, but... he's really witty, kind of folksy and seemingly relaxing to me.
he's certainly not popular... but, i don't care... i even spoke to him on the phone once!
i try to convert people i know to loving wally too. 'sted even liked some of his songs a bit. since i'd make her listen to them on our trips to the millcreek mall or to perkins for coffee. and she put up with me, anyway. but, she has said that she likes 'lost weekend, las vegas'... and she'll sometimes sing it to me, if the topic of wally pleasant happens to come up.
but, i'm listening to the most recent wally cd that i have, which is called 'houses of the holy moly', on which my favourite song is 'alternateen'.
but, as i'm listening this afternoon... it's soothing, and calming. and i must try to remember to listen to wally more often.
it's been really nice having wallace home for the extended weekend. we've had a chance to hang out, and just be together. and it's been nice.
savannah's been enjoying her time spend with daddy too. their personalities are very similar, and they spend lots of time laughing together and being goofy. it makes me happy to see...
and, i'm getting excited about our myrtle beach trip. trying to plan, printing out maps and things, getting organized... the countdown currently is, t-minus 9 days and counting. i can't believe it's really going to be so soon.
i'm also still hanging on to the hope that i'll be able to see fireworks today. this is the third summer we've been here, and we haven't been able to see fireworks at all. i hope we can. fireworks are definitely on my list of favorite things... but, i don't want to disrupt ms. savannah's schedule just for me, either.
so, we'll see what happens... but, i'm still hoping.
i miss being able to sleep in to some ungodly hour, if i choose to on saturday morning...
i miss being able to drop everything, and go on a crazy road-trip or adventure, just because i can...
i miss being able to make love with my husband anytime we're in the mood...
i miss having the occasional chance to lie in bed all day, and read a book...
but, i'm happy, i'm lucky and i'm loved.