Most people only have to wait a few seconds or minutes. They have no idea how lucky they are... I had to wait 36 days, 7 hours, 30 minutes, and every painful and anxious second between then and now, but, I finally got to hold my baby. It was indescribable. But, I'll try...
I wasn't expecting it to be last night. I wasn't even really thinking about it, as I washed my hands to go in and see Savannah. But, we asked how much she weighed... and the nurse said, 'Get a gown. Who wants to hold her first?' I about passed out.
My dear sweet kind Wallace didn't even blink. He wanted me to get the first chance, after all this time, to hold her. What a gift it was, what a feeling. Thank you Wallace, for giving me that honor. I don't think I could ever thank you enough.
The nurse wrapped her up securely in one of those unattractive receiving blankets, and laid her gingerly into my awaiting arms. I sat sweating, under the heat lamps, smiling down at our beautiful child, trying to shield her eyes so she could see me past the bright lights.
Wallace wanted to take pictures, and so did the nurse... But, I couldn't have been farther away at that moment, and didn't care what they wanted. All I wanted was to finally be close to Savannah, touch her and smile at her, and let her know how much I love her, just by her feeling my arms around her. For one moment, it was just she and I in the whole world. And everything was beautiful.
She was very calm, and we both swear that she smiled more than once last night. Or at the very least, it looked like a smile. And she took my breath away.
I know that I can't relate to the normal birth experience of most women. How they feel at that moment, what they think. I do believe that a lot is taken for granted, unconciously. Since people who haven't gone through this, couldn't possibly understand what it feels like. All _I_ know, is that, I couldn't have appreciated this moment more than I did last night, and how it will be ingrained into my memory forever and how I will treasure the feelings that came along with it.
I didn't have a lot of time to hold her. There are still time limits, while she's this small. But, at least I can do it now. Every time I go to the hospital, it is something I can look forward to. And when the nurse took her gently back out of my arms, I burst into tears. I didn't want to let go.
Again, my dear sweet Wallace held me gently and let me cry, stroking my hair. And he didn't even get a chance to hold her yet.
Tonight, he will. And he'll know just how I felt. And he won't want to let her go either.
We both grinned and laughed and held hands, all the way home.
I'll never forget how lucky and blessed we are... And what a special moment this was.