the road not taken

listening

Shortly after Savannah was born, we had a conversation with one of the NICU nurses about things we could do for her while she was there. I had asked if it would be all right to bring her in a stuffed animal of some kind, and leave it in her isolette. That was fine, but the nurse suggested some kind of beanie stuffed animal, since the tiny babies like to feel secure, and since the nurses don't spend all day touching them, they lay the beanies on the babies, to simulate someone touching them. We thought this sounded like a great idea, so we bought her a beanie Classic Pooh.

Pooh has also come in handy for other things, such as propping up Savannah's ventilator tubing, and being our baby watcher when we can't be there. We've mostly decided to stick with one stuffed animal for now... since two of them would be bigger than she is right now.

The nurse had also suggested a picture of us, to put inside her isolette. That was a fairly easy one to accomplish, even though we haven't had a lot of pictures taken of us lately. I did manage to find a nice one of our faces from our wedding, which is taped up for her to see when she's awake.

We are also allowed to bring in some clothing kinds of things, booties or hats mostly right now... so nothing interferes with her wires and tubes. We did buy a set of pink booties and a hat for preemies, but she's just too small for them right now. And they would only serve to remind us just how tiny she really is, so we're holding off on those for right now. They are in my bottle bag, and we'll give them to her when she gets a little bigger.

The neatest thing the nurse had suggested that evening, was a small tape recorder and a special speaker we could get, to put in her isolette. We could record some soothing music, talk to her, sing to her, read her stories. This sounded wonderful, and the idea was mentioned to Wallace's mom on the phone one evening. She volunteered to buy these for us and Savannah.

We just got the recorder and speaker today!

Last night, when we visited Savannah, I spent a lot of time talking to her and holding her hand. Every time I would shift my weight or move, she'd get a very worried look on her face and grasp my finger very tightly. It was as if she didn't want me to leave. I kept whispering to her that I wasn't going anywhere, I wouldn't leave her... and she would relax completely. Of course, I have no idea what she can really understand right now, but it really seemed like we understood each other, and it was extremely important for me to stay there with her, holding her hand. It made me feel wonderful, to think she was listening to me and understanding that I wouldn't go. I can believe she was listening, and that my voice was reassuring to her. I wish I could hold her hand day and night, and just talk to her.

We're both really looking forward to recording some things for Savannah, and having it there for her to listen to during the day when we aren't there. I'm trying to decide what we're going to do or say on the tape, but I'm not totally sure yet. I seem to have forgotten a lot of the children's songs I used to sing at school, but I'm hoping they'll come back to me. And when Wallace and I do sit down to record this for her to listen to, we'll both know exactly what to say.

I think that she'll be reassured and happier, if she knows that she has our voices to listen to, and that her mommy and daddy love her so much, and can't wait until she can be out of the hospital. Then, she'll be able to listen to us all the time; and we'll be able to just listen to her beautiful cry, or just listen to her breathe, in person, all on her own.