I've been thinking a lot lately about how unprepared I was for Savannah's birth. Not just in the personal physical way, but also in the fact that it had just been too early to have gotten ready for her at home. We hadn't bought her any clothes yet, her room is still our study and houses our massive computer setup, and there is no carseat or crib or anything here for her yet.
Supposedly, in the pregnancy books I'd read, the best time to be doing all of this was in the eighth month, just in case your child was the impatient sort and didn't rely on the magical due date. This is also a time of nesting for the mother-to-be, and having missed all these other things, I never made it to that point either.
As I'm feeling better every day, I'm starting to get that nagging feeling of wanting to begin nesting in anticipation of Savannah's arrival home, finally. But, I'm not precisely sure just where to start.
I sit in her room everyday, writing this journal and poking around online, and it doesn't seem right. This is her room, and yet it's not. Honestly, the room is greatly empty right now, save for a filing cabinet, some crates, the gifts she's received, and our big 'ole computer desk. I call it her room, but it just isn't hers yet.
And I hate that...
I truly have not one clue as to when she might be able to come home. I'm shooting for a ballpark estimate, around her original due date. But that relies on the fact that nothing happens between now and then. And peeking at my calendar, that is still about a month and a half away. We could get lucky, and she could do really well, and she could come home before that... but I don't want to get my hopes up, either.
How soon, is too soon? Gods, I wish I had the answer to that question...
Some things, I do realize, I will need to wait for. My father, in his infinite kindness and generosity, has committed himself to building a crib for Savannah. And I don't expect that crib to be making it to Atlanta anytime before the end of the next two months, and quite possibly later than that. And, that's really okay with me.
Wallace and I had decided, even before she was born, that we would be buying some kind of bassinet for her, and that she would be staying in our room for a while after she was born. Now, since I know that she'll still be really small when she comes home, this is even more important now, as well as more practical, since she'll get a lot of use out of a bassinet with her size.
We had also decided before her birth, that the nursery would be decorated with Classic Pooh bedding and miscellaneous stuff. She currently has a small Classic beanie Pooh who stays with her, and watches over her in the hospital. And other than another stuffed Pooh here at home, (which is probably about as big as she is right now), that is the extent of the Classic Pooh stuff we have for her right now.
I want her room to be ready; and I want it to feel like her room too. But, I don't know when is a good time. I also want to know that if she's ready to come home earlier than what I'd hoped for, I won't have to be out for a weekend, going to get everything I'm going to need for her at one time, either. I just don't know what to do.
We tell her every night how proud we are of her progress, how strong she is, how we hope she can continue doing so well... But, not to rush either. We tell her that we want her to be ready to come home. The home for her in my heart was ready a long, long time ago. I just wish I knew when I could make our physical home ready for her too.
When it does happen, when she can come home... it will be the happiest day of my life.
Posted by lara at April 27, 1999 04:46 PM