I get frustrated really easily sometimes, mostly with myself and sometimes with those closest to me. That isn't fair. And it makes me angry that I do it in the first place. And right now, with all that's going on... I'm probably even more easily frustrated than ever in my life.
I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions? Anyone? Anyone, please?
As I write this today, I'm still waiting for the doctor to call about Savannah. This frustrates me to no end. She had a problem with her feedings yesterday, and they had to stop them. And for the first time, yesterday, we weren't at the apartment to get the doctor's call. And the message he left was a bit confusing, which only served to make me worry again like crazy. Later on, in the afternoon when we got back from our errands, I called the nurse on duty to see if I could glean a better explanation from her... And it did help, a bit. Although, right after I got off the phone with her, I called my mother, almost 900 miles away, for a shoulder to cry on.
I needed it. I often find I need to cry, even though I don't let in to it as much as I probably should... So, when it does come, it's often a lot to take.
I cry a lot; actually, I probably cry too much. I cry at almost everything; books, commercials, and frustration often drives me to tears. I'm too emotional, so much so that I take everything in and feel all of it. I feel deeply for anyone or anything I love. I probably do this because I want to take away everyone else's hurt or problems, and carry them myself... as if, in some way, that might help them. I wish helplessly that it did.
So, I get frustrated, and I'm short with people, rude to them, angry with them... All the time, these are people I love. I want to not do that. I want to be better. And I'm always so sorry when it happens, but it's hard to admit it afterwards sometimes.
So, today... I write all of this, in part because, I want to apologize fully and loudly to anyone and everyone I've gotten frustrated with lately. I'm trying very hard to get better about it. And I don't want to hurt anyone that I care about. Know how sorry I truly am.
The doctor has called, and that has relieved a bit of frustration of the day. They are taking care of her problem; thankfully, it's not a serious problem, and they do always act quickly to 'head off' anything before it really becomes a problem. And I'm so glad that she's well taken care of there.
Savannah has gained a bit of weight since she was born. She's up to a whopping 1 pound, 10 ounces... Only 6 more ounces to go, until I can hold her on a more regular basis. And I'm looking forward to that immensely. If you could, keep cheering for her and hoping for her and thinking about her. I know that it helps her more and more all the time. And every ounce gained, and every triumph accomplished by her is another tiny step closer to coming home to us finally, where she belongs.