I don't even know if I could name all the surprises that I've had since Savannah was born, not even including her very unexpected birth. Most have been good ones, some not as good. Depending on how one looks at them. I guess what has surprised me the most is the way that people react or reacted to her unforeseen arrival.
But honestly, people surprise me all the time. I wonder in the dynamics of the people that I know, how they act toward me, what interests them and what does not... I wonder about people in general, as well. I'm such a people-watcher. And people continuously surprise me.
I've met people, who I would have otherwise not met because of Savannah's arrival. And I'm not just talking about doctors and nurses, I mean people here on the Internet. A few people, who picked up on a word or two regarding Savannah's birth, who were interested in sending her good thoughts, prayers and support. People who wish me well, hope that I'm all right, tell me to be strong and how they can relate (in different ways) to what I'm going through right now. I'm so thankful for those people. And I've been known in the past to be very cynical about people and their interests and their agendas... But still, I've met some curiously generous people, if only with their time and kind words, who somehow help me to get through my days. Thank you, to any and all of you, who happen to be reading this. As I keep repeating in my daily emails, I appreciate you all more than you'll ever know.
My family has been wonderfully supportive and interested. I'm also so glad that my parents were here right after she was born. They both helped Wallace and I keep things together. Helped with much more than they know. I'm lucky to have the family that I do, and I hope to never even think of beginning to take them for granted, ever.
Wallace's family has been great too. I've loved this time; being pregnant with Savannah, and her birth, because this is his family's first grandchild, as well as our first child. And, it's been a magical time for all of us.
I have also made a new friend, which started briefly before Savannah was born. And I think... I hope... that will turn into a great friendship as well. She walked into my life at just the right time, filled me with wonder, filled me with her kindness and interest in Savannah. I'm very hopeful that we can work through our difficult schedules to be able to meet in person. I find her appearance in my life to be quite a surprise, and her kindness and interest in me and my family to be quite splendid. Ms. M, I do think you feel the same. And I'm thankful for the surprise of our new friendship.
And then, there are those whose responses I didn't expect at all. And that makes me indescribably sad. And I don't quite know how to deal with that. People I've known for a long time; people I would have hoped for different reactions. I can hope that this surprise is temporary, but I'm not really sure that it is. Savannah is definitely the marking of a turning point in my life, but I'm hoping that it's not the beginning of the 'phasing out' of other things in my life.
She's an enrichment, an addition, a marvelous bonus in my life. I would hate to have to lose some things in my life, just because I was gaining her. That's definitely a surprise I don't want to happen... But one I will have to deal with, if it comes down to it. Here's to hoping for no more unpleasant surprises.
Posted by lara at April 13, 1999 09:40 AM