dear joe,
i don't even know how to begin this... i miss you so much. even now, five years since i've talked to you, i still forget that i can't talk to you anymore, ever again. and, i want to so much.
i know you've been watching, and i know you've been around sometimes. i know you're here sometimes, when i'm missing you more than usual, and i know you've been here when i've been especially sad and lonely. but, oh, what i'd give for one of your big warm hugs...
i'm sorry you weren't there to make silly jokes at our wedding. i'm sorry you never met nick or got to laugh with him. i would have also loved to see you sing savannah to sleep once, and hear you tell me how beautiful she is, and how much she looks like me.
i know that you loved the fall as much as i do, and so this time of the year finds me thinking of you more often.
i wish you could see how happy and successful we've been. how far we've come.
it's been so difficult not to be angry about you being gone. when i think of you, i'm torn between sadness and rage. i know you wouldn't want me to be angry, but it was too soon, and not fair at all. for the rest of my life, your departure will never make any sense, never have a legitimate purpose.
there will always be a small piece of my heart that is with you. a piece missing from me, leaving me incomplete.
with all the people who have come in and out of my life, in different ways and for different reasons, dealing with your absence has been the hardest and longest road to walk. i would have wanted you walking beside me for much longer than you had the chance.
thank you, for everything. i miss you, and i love you as much as ever. and, i hope to see you again. somehow. somewhere.
i do have a little bit of comfort in my belief that i will meet up with you again. maybe in this lifetime, and maybe in another one.
always,
lara
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